Are you a fan of the Jungle Cruise? Do you like jokes so BAD that they’re awesome?
Jungle Cruise is my all time favorite attraction. I am a sucker for bad jokes, which is exactly what this attraction is all about. While Jungle Cruise skippers have their standard jokes there are always new ones popping up as skippers spend more and more time lost out in the jungle.
The List of the 10 Best Jungle Cruise Jokes
On Previous Jobs
Before I came to the Jungle, I worked in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate. My boss almost beat the pulp out of me…
On Haunted Mansion
Haunted Mansion Copyright Disney
Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis. Is this boat actually leaving the dock? Or is it your imagination? And consider this dismaying observation: this boat is completely surrounded with water, and I’m you skipper. Which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! Of course you could always swim away!!!
Zebras
Zebra Domes
Do you know why it’s so hard to eat zebra? You keep getting white meat – dark meat – white meat – dark meat.
Waterfalls
The Jungle Cruise Waterfall at Magic Kingdom allows you to experience the backside of water!
This is the backside of Schweitzer Falls, named for the backside of the famous explorer, Dr. Albert Falls.
Classic Warning
Headhunter territory on the Jungle Cruise. Copyright Disney.
We are now entering the most dangerous part of our journey. Shhh. . . This is a bad place to be headed.
A Classic Paradox
As we approach, please notice that there’s a dock on the left, and a dock on the right. But don’t let it confuse you. It’s a paradox.
Pirates of the Caribbean
Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales Copyright Disney
I think you knows too much. You’ve seen the cursed treasure. You know where it be hidden. You may not survive to pass this way again. DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES. . .
On Bathing
Elephant Bathing Pool on Jungle Cruise Copyright Disney
Awe look at those elephants bathing over there. You know, you make think that’s water coming out of their trunks but it’s snot.
Unbeatable Offers
Trader Sam from the world famous Jungle Cruise
There’s old Trader Sam, head salesman of the area. Business has been shrinking lately, so this week only, Sam’s offering a two-for-one special: two of his, for one of yours!
Romantic
Dangerous hippo pool on the Jungle Cruise. Copyright Disney.
Oh no! Look at the Hippos that are about to attack the boat. Don’t worry I know just the thing that will scare them away, it worked on my last boyfriend. Screams, “HEY HIPPOS I LOVE YOU. I REALLY WANT TO MARRY YOU AND BE WITH YOU FOREVER AND EVER.”
What are you favorite jungle cruise jokes? Have you heard any better than those listed in our list?
Catch a Video of the Jungle Cruise
I have been visiting the parks annually since my parents first brought me at just a year old. Recently I was able to fulfill my life long dream of being a Florida local and moved from the wintery Northeast to the sunshine and fun of central Florida. Now I am hoping to share my Disney knowledge with you so you can have the best vacation possible!
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